Monday, October 22, 2007

Sorry for the delay in posting here... for some reason I didn't get the notification about this comment/question!

Here we go:

From "Anonymous":

"Here is my major issue.
Since high school (10 years+ now) I have been secretly in love with my best friend of the opposite sex. Now it hasn't been the darkest secret and perhaps secret is not the way to describe it. However for the past 5 years I have been in a sometimes dysfunctional sometimes wonderful relationship, I believe I am happy, however fear that I am just comfortable.
Now, this guy from high school is still a very good friend and about 2 years ago we had an "incident" no boundaries were crossed however a lot came out into the open. We both admitted we felt the same.
I fear though it is more of infatuation than sparks. I mean he is the "forbidden fruit" right now right?
Am I lying to myself and perhaps denying a good thing due to comfort? Or am I hung up on feelings that I never expressed when the timing may have been just right?
This debate in my head consumes me from time to time. I really need some help on this issue.
Anony for now."

Dear Anony:

Unfortunately, this is one of those situations where you will never know the answer unless you attempt to have a relationship with this person. Very often, the fantasy does not live up to the reality. But of course, being in a current relationship, the stakes are very high for you.

I think you have to examine your current relationship on its own merits, without the "safety net" thoughts about your H.S. honey. Maybe take a break from it for awhile and see how that feels. The key would be NOT to see the H.S. guy during that break, though. Just be by yourself for awhile and make some decisions about your current situation. If you determine that you're better off without your partner, give yourself some alone time before attempting to take up with this new/old person. And when/if you do decide to give it a go, take it very very slowly.

Good luck with whatever you decide!