Saturday, December 29, 2007

Message in the Bottle

Anonymous writes:

"i have a 'friend' who is dating a lovely woman with a severe drinking problem, it recently reached a crisis, and she is trying to stop, without help, without counseling or meetings. She relapses, so now he is on the edge of issuing the ultimatum. Will this have any better chance of working that the begging, pleading, crying? He is a nice guy, I would hate to see him hurt again. "

At this point, whether it "works" or not, he has to decide if he is willing to stay in a relationship with an alcoholic. He really cannot affect what she does. He can only affect what he does.

Walking away is the only sane option, I believe. If she is unwilling to get help, counseling, etc. then I would have to say that she is not fully committed to stopping. It's like when one decides to lose weight but doesn't tell anyone else. It's easier to "cheat" or fall off the wagon when you have not publicly stated that you are dieting or quitting smoking, or drinking in this case.

So your friend has to make the choice for himself, not for her. What is he willing to accept in a relationship?


Judith said...

Very true and accurate assessment. Getting involved with someone with any sort of addiction is not a wise option.

Charivarius said...

Is it possible that she drinks to express some profound dissatisfaction with her life? Maybe he's not the only one trying to opt out of the relationship.

David said...

he walked away, it got very bad after that, then after weeks in the hospital, she got sober. the relationship was fatally flawed, it seems

Uma said...

Hey, you have a great blog. The desire to help others is sacred, and I doubt how many shrinks/doctors are truly motivated by it. Well, these are well-piad careers and people get into them for the money and prestige. What else? But then, why not, if they're worthy of these things...
Thank you for creating this blog!
You must be a wonderful person!