Thursday, July 5, 2007



AKA Monty asks:

"I love men, but I've been single for a long time and at this point the thought of letting a man hold my remote control makes me break out in a cold sweat. Why do some women think that every woman needs a man to be complete, and to be happy?
I'm surprised whenever I run into this attitude, especially in this day and age."

I'm with you, AKA. It is surprising to run into that attitude today but it's definitely out there. Sometimes, it comes from women who actually do feel like they need men in their lives, unable to relate to the idea of not needing them.

The operative word here, though, is "need". Interestingly, I know many women who have been divorced or widowed for many years who have chosen to live alone. I don't know quite as many men in the same situation. For some of these men, "need" is what drives them to get into live-in situations quickly. For the women, they've found that the pros of being the mistresses of their own domains outweigh the cons of giving up the remote control.

I'm a firm believer in "never say never" (hell, I once said I'd never get married!), but if someday you choose to live with or marry someone it will be because you choose to, not because you need to. What you've come to realize is that you are fine alone, and that it might not be such a bad idea to have your own home base even if you find yourself in love again.

OK, we have to stop now.

12 comments:

yellojkt said...

Good advice. A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle.

michele sent me.

aka_Monty said...

Aaaah, see, it seems much clearer when you put it like that.
And I feel much better about it now. :)

Thank you so much, Oh Wise One!! :D

Michele said...

This is not just good advice, it is great advice.

One of my favourite couples live in two separate homes. Yes, it cost more, but it has saved their relationship. They love each other dearly - they just don't want to live together.

I also believe that happiness comes from within and it is unfair and unrealistic to expect someone else to supply your happiness.

A partner should never have the responsibility of completing you, rather they should compliment you.

Okay, to paraphrase a wise woman: I have to stop now.

watermelonpunch said...

The thought of letting some guy at MY remote control makes me laugh! haha!!
What I find even more perplexing is the idea of people who share their computer and even an e-mail address with their spouse. It's like, are they even seperate people? THAT is what gives me the willies.
But I believe that if there is any man I would deem acceptable to share living space with... that I wouldn't be forced to share every freakin' thing with. I'm assuming that if I was in a 2-income household, there would certainly be enough money to afford 2 rooms with tvs, when desired... and any man I would deem acceptable would already have his own computer & e-mail address, or just wouldn't want one, and therefore wouldn't want mine.
At any rate, I agree with that operative word being "need". I don't need to couple to validate my existence. I think that increases my chances of happiness in or out of a romantic relationship.
Sadly though, there are those people who believe being single = worthlessness. We must pity those poor souls, for they know not their own worth, or the worth of any human being.

melinama said...

Now that I'm 53 and have lived alone for quite a while, I find it hard to remember what I liked about living with a man (I was married 18 years and had another live-in boyfriend after that). The things I do to make my meaningful have taken up the space in which I used to be lonely and I find the fear of being hurt is now stronger than any belief I might have that there's a man out there who would make my life better than it is already.

BreadBox said...

Hello, Michele sent me!
LOML and I don't share tv remotes. On the other hand, that may be because we can never find them:-)

N.

Rhetorically Sterculian said...

Heh!
Where is my comment?
It was funny!
Not vile!
I stole it from Ann Landers!
Laughter is good, yes?
Apologies, I thought that this was not a completely serious blog.

panthergirl said...

Sorry if your comment didn't make it through! I've emailed you.

Rhetorically Sterculian said...

Dear THMDS,
I am a newlywed and everytime my husband and I 'do it' he first makes me take a long, cold shower and then I have to lay very, very still when on the bed.
I am starting to chip my teeth from shivering.
Is this normal?

signed,

Sh-sh-sh-shaking

PS My husband works in a Funeral Home.

panthergirl said...

Dear Sh-sh-sh,

Kind of gives new meaning to the word "frigid".

Good luck, and hire a food tester.

THMDS

Rhetorically Sterculian said...

Ah, but who guards the guards?

food tester?

Nyuck nyuck

michelle said...

i hear ya.. i am choosing, not needing..
michele sent me