Sunday, July 1, 2007
If a man loves you, truly and honestly, why would he still feel the need to lie and hide things from you, little stupid things... As if having a secret life is a necessity to his survival? Does it have anything to do with them being from Mars?...
PS: is this related to men being incapable of changing the toilet paper roll?
I am so not into that Mars/Venus thing. Sometimes I think women are from Earth and men are from Uranus, but sometimes it's the other way around.
The key to your question, though, is the word "lie". If you had just asked why he might hide things from you, or not tell you everything, I'd say that some people just maintain control over their lives by not sharing all the details...even of insignificant things...with anyone.
This can be really frustrating for those of us who are open books. But it's just a matter of accepting that you're not in a relationship with YOU.
However...lying is never ok. Oh, of course someone might "lie" and say that you look absolutely radiant after 36 hours of labor, but that's not what we're talking about here. Trust is such a critical element of a healthy relationship that without it, what's left? You constantly trying to guess whether he's telling you the truth or not? That takes the control issue (see above) to a whole 'nother level. And moves your relationship firmly into the unhealthy zone.
It's time for you to move out of victim mode ("Why oh why does he do this?") into a place where you can sit him down and tell him that he's got to trust you enough to be honest with you, and you have to be able to believe what he says when he tells you something. And critical omissions are lying as well. ("Oh, did I forget to mention that I made out with my ex-girlfriend last night? Oops!")
But it's also important to let him know that he can have his privacy when it comes to things that you really don't need to know (the precise route he took driving home from work, unless it involved stopping off at the ex-girlfriend's place).
Maybe it's just me... but honesty is one of those non-negotiables. Ask yourself why you've been willing to accept less.
OK, we have to stop now.