Thursday, June 28, 2007

Mother Power

Jill asks:

I grew up with a Mother who constantly belittled me and my ideas. She never believed in me. She didn't support me. Now as an adult I find that I don't follow through with anything and I get very upset with my husband if he doesn't praise me for every harebrained idea that pops into my head. How do I begin to believe in myself and get the confidence to act on my plans?

Dear Jill,

One of the most valuable things I learned in therapy was that the Tom Wolfe quote, "Living Well is the Best Revenge" can work well when dealing with our crappy childhoods.

I found that as an adult I was still giving my parents too much power by allowing them to continue to control my behavior. As rebellious as I was as a teenager, here I an adult...saying and doing things as a result of how they treated me as a kid. I finally started to realize that the very best "revenge" would be to take control of my life and my relationships and TRY not to let those deep seeded insecurities ruin my adult life. They'd already screwed up the first 17 years of my life... I wasn't going to give them the rest.

As I told a friend once: "The bad news is that you had a shitty childhood. The good news is that it's over."


scrappintwinmom said...

...and that's precisely why I'm mindful of things I do and say withh my kids...I don't want to scar them for life! here via Michele.

craziequeen said...

Whenever I go to visit my parents (not very often, luckily) I turn into an awkward sullen 13yr old....not bad for a woman in her forties.....

Parents have a lot to answer for. I ahve the same issues with being belittled throughout my childhood.

Michele sent me to see your third blog, Panthergirl.....

ps - new caption contest at the palace... :-)

Evelyn said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.