Mother Power

Jill asks:

I grew up with a Mother who constantly belittled me and my ideas. She never believed in me. She didn't support me. Now as an adult I find that I don't follow through with anything and I get very upset with my husband if he doesn't praise me for every harebrained idea that pops into my head. How do I begin to believe in myself and get the confidence to act on my plans?


Dear Jill,

One of the most valuable things I learned in therapy was that the Tom Wolfe quote, "Living Well is the Best Revenge" can work well when dealing with our crappy childhoods.

I found that as an adult I was still giving my parents too much power by allowing them to continue to control my behavior. As rebellious as I was as a teenager, here I stood...as an adult...saying and doing things as a result of how they treated me as a kid. I finally started to realize that the very best "revenge" would be to take control of my life and my relationships and TRY not to let those deep seeded insecurities ruin my adult life. They'd already screwed up the first 17 years of my life... I wasn't going to give them the rest.

As I told a friend once: "The bad news is that you had a shitty childhood. The good news is that it's over."

A Customer!

Rosemary asks:

"I have a question: If I married my second husband twice making him my third husband as well, does that mean I was married four times or can I just meld the 2nd and 3rd mistakes into one? Saying I have been married 4 times is a bit Elizabeth Taylorish."

Dear Rosemary,

First, I want to thank you for being such a brave pioneer and volunteering to be my first victim, er, "patient".

As far as your problem goes: Embrace your inner La Liz! In fact, I would recommend simply referring to yourself as having been married four times, and leave out the part about the "do-over". You could have a lot of fun making up the details about husband #2. "After six months of marriage, I came home to find him and his things gone. He left me a note, saying he was sorry for letting me think he was the manager of the local Jiffy Lube when in fact he was a CIA operative and his cover had been blown. He begged me not to try and find him. God, I miss his dip stick."

Enjoy!

OK, we have to stop now.

And Worth Every Penny!

Why spend your time, energy and hard-earned sheckles on a high-priced psychiatrist, psychologist or worse yet, "MSW", when I've already done it?

Pose your question in the comments box. Anonymous questions will be accepted, after moderation. There are few issues that I haven't posed to a professional at some point in my life, so hitch your dysfunctional wagon to my heavily medicated star! I'll share what I know, or I'll make something up. Best of all, you won't be building me a house in the Hamptons. And I don't take the month of August off.

OK, we have to stop now.